Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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