NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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