I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
