another moral hangover. fuck.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
