Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
