How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
