You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
