please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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