Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
