just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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