Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
