one two three fourrrrnication!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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