you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
