Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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