Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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