apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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