I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
