We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
