Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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