So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize