We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize