i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
