You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize