His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
