he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
