Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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