But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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