just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
