I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
