so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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