We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
