Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
