Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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