Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
