This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
