Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
