you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize