What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
