someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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