Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
