When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
is wine microwaveable?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
