I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
