Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
soo... how was my night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
