Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize