It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
