I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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