nut hugger
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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