You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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