tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
