my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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