I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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