i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
