You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
