the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
