Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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