i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
