evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
