Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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