Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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