HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
