How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
