So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
