he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
