Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
