So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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