he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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